Games to Tame the Lower Brain
Emotional dysregulation is the number one reason parents reach out to me for help.
- “He gets so upset over the smallest things.”
- “She can’t stand being told no.”
- “Once they start to tantrum, it goes on and on.”
In this blog post, I want to share games and activities I use to help children develop co- regulation and self-regulation skills. These are activities that can be used by parents, teachers, or therapists. Used regularly they can help children manage their big feelings and minor upsets so they don’t spiral out of control.
Before I get to the games, let me provide the context.
I’ll start with a quick definition. Regulation in this context refers to the ability to manage strong emotions without losing control of one’s body. It also refers to the ability to return to a state of calm following a surge in energy or emotion.
To understand why these games help with that, I’ll share a brief lesson in neurobiology.
The brain can be thought of as having three levels. The lowest level is often called the “reptilian brain.” It is concerned only with survival in the moment. It does not plan, it acts. This is where the fight, flight, freeze response originates. This is the most primitive level, and it is also the fastest.
The mid-section of the brain is often thought of as the “mammalian brain.” It is concerned with social relationships. It wants to feel connected. Many of our emotions originate here, including joy, sadness, jealousy and pride.
Layered on top of these other two is the neocortex or “human brain.” This is the “thinking” part of the brain. It is capable of logical thought and planning. It is also the slowest part of the brain. Slowest in which aspect, you might ask? It’s the slowest to react to new information and the slowest to develop in childhood. Many of the strategies adults use to try to help children manage strong feelings appeal to this part of the brain. And though it can sometimes be helpful, when it comes to regulation, the lower regions are the unrecognized superstars.
To improve a child’s ability to self-regulate, we need to communicate with the lowest region of the brain. But this part of the brain does not understand language. Instead, it understands the three Rs: rhythm, rhyme, and repetition. It likes rhythm, rhyme, and repetition. And in case it wasn’t clear: It loooooves, rhythm, rhyme, and repetition. Why does it love the three Rs so much? My guess: It makes the reptilian brain feel safe.
The lowest level of the brain likes predictability. Remember, its primary job is to keep you alive moment to moment. So when something unusual happens in the environment this region goes on high alert, senses sharpen, muscle tense, heartbeat rises, until it understands the true level of threat or is able to predict what happens next. Then it can either respond or relax.
- Things that happens at a predictable speed (rhythm)
- Things that helps you anticipate (predict) what comes next (rhyme)
- Things that happens over and over in the same way (repetition)
All help the lower brain relax because they all help create a predictable environment. And remember, to the reptile brain predictable = safe!
Someone is said to be ‘dysregulated’ when the ‘high alert’ status in the lower brain causes them to lose control and enact highly inappropriate survival strategies, such as screaming or hitting. Dysregulation also occurs when a person struggles to return to a state of calm following a false alarm. That ‘jagged’ feeling you get following a lot of sudden or jarring sensory input is dysregulation.
Games and activities that are rhythmic, rhyming, and are highly repetitive help children calm the lower region of the brain and help them develop both co- and self- regulation strategies.
Strategies that are frequently rehearsed in the body are the strategies that are most readily available in a time of stress or ‘high alert.’
With that in mind, here are some games, songs, and chants that I use in my practice to promote physical self-control and emotional regulation.
These same games, songs, and chants can be used…
- At home
- In restaurants while waiting for the food to arrive
- In preschool and daycare settings
- In elementary school classrooms and playgrounds
- At summer camp and day camps
- Pretty much any place children are assembled, or a child and caregiver are hanging out together
Because remember, the more these strategies are rehearsed, the more available they are in time of high alert.
Directions and demonstrations of each of these can be found online, so I am not going to include them here. Just Google the name of any of the games I mention below and you will find a wealth of versions to choose from.
Simple songs and games with a steady beat
For the youngest children classics like:
- Patty Cake, Patty Cake
- Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star
- The Eensy, Weensy Spider
- Have simple has gestures for increased interest and fun
- 5 Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed
- Can be acted out with children jumping to the steady beat then pretending to fall
For slightly older children, camp songs like:
- The Ants Go Marching
- Acorn Brown
- Boom Chicka Boom
- Are silly and fun to sing together.
For small groups or families, I like to use:
- Who Stole the Cookies from the Cookie Jar
- A song that includes a rhythmic clapping pattern and call and response lyrics:
- One Potato, Two Potato
- Which is an old counting off rhyme. All fists are in the middle of a circle. The counter gently taps each person in turn with their own first while saying the rhyme. I like to ask the person who was tapped on ‘more,’ “What do you want more of?”
Hand Clapping Games are an old playground staple. They involve a chant that is said while acting out a complex clapping pattern with one other person or in a circle. These are great because they often include crossing the midline and bi-lateral stimulation. Both great for brain development. These patterns can be tricky to learn and often create a sense of pride when mastered.
These games range from fairly simple:
- Miss Mary Mack
- A Sailor went to Sea, Sea, Sea
To quite complex:
- Down By the Banks of the Hanky Panky
- The Cups game (made famous by Anna Kendrick in Pitch Perfect)
Making it possible to find a good fit for any age and skill level.
Many songs and games for children include an element of excitement at the end. The songs often speed up and then slow down again or come to a sudden stop. Sometimes they include a little tickle or some other surprise at the end. These games are great for training the brain to return to a state of calm following a burst of excitement.
Some of my favorites include:
- This Little Piggy
- Trot, Trot, Trot to Boston
- Round and Round the Garden
- Mr. Fox, Mr. Fox What Time is it?
- Is a full body playground version of this game type. It includes a chase at the end.
- Going on a Bear Hunt
- Takes a long walk with one direction, encountering many things along the way, then the whole thing very fast in reverse to get away from the bear
- Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes is sung more and more quickly with each verse until children are going “super duper fast.”
- A few years ago I added the element of singing backwards after the super fast verse, “Toes, knees, shoulders, head, shoulders, head.” This requires children to move from a state of wild chaos to one of calm and focus.
Finding More
These are activities I know from my own childhood and from raising my own children in largely white, middle-class neighborhoods of California. However, all cultures have similar games. When looking for games that might be a better cultural match for your children or patients, try these sources:
- Your own childhood. What songs, finger plays and simple games do you remember from your preschool years? What silly songs and playground games did you play in elementary school? Summer camp?
- Parents and Grandparents. If you are an educator or therapist, ask the families of children you are working with what songs and games they play at home or remember from their own childhoods. This is a great source of multicultural material
- Internet searches. Try searching for preschool songs, playground games, handicapping games, circle games, camp games or camp songs, jump rope rhymes. If you are looking for something from a particular cultural or language group put that in the search as well.
I hope you found this explanation and list of games helpful. Whether you are working with children at home, in the community, daycare or clinic, these simple and brief games can be part of your routine, helping to calm the lower brain and promote regulation.
If you would like more tips on helping children manage challenging behavior, I am available for consultation. I have worked with many parents, teachers and therapists over the years helping to find solutions to complex issues. A free 15-minute call can help determine the next best steps.